Coping with the Anniversary of a Death
Coping with the Anniversary of a Death
The first year. The first birthday. The empty chair at the Thanksgiving table.
Before you know it, a year has gone by, and you are caught off-guard. How did life go on without your special person? How did you go on? This is the most common grief anniversary reaction – the realization that you have managed to survive the pain and suffering of your loss. While this is a sign of healing and a step in the right direction, such a realization can bring about feelings of sadness and guilt.
The anniversary of a death may trigger varying grief reactions depending on the person who is grieving, their relationship with the deceased person, the circumstances surrounding the death, and a host of other considerations. Grief can affect entire communities, even on a global scale. The collective grief that our nation shared on September 11, 2001 is revisited every year on the anniversary of that terrible day.
Expectations can play a detrimental role in the grieving process. People may believe that, by the time the first anniversary comes along, they should be “over their grief.” Not true, as grief is not a rigid set of stages, but a fluid range of emotions that ebb and flow even years later. It is important to not place pressure on ourselves to “get over it.” Grief is not a race to the finish line; it is a necessary part of life. To grieve is to have loved, and the process takes . . . well, it takes as long as it takes. Please read that again.
No, we do not forget. No, the grief is not less. And despite the well-worn sentiment, no, time does not heal all wounds. We simply (or not so simply) find ways to cope and carry on.
When death anniversaries occur, many people take comfort in ritual, turning to their spiritual community to mark such occasions. Others create new traditions to help future generations remember the legacies of their families. Some people use special days like this to reminisce and share stories of the departed with family and friends. Many people mark such days with volunteerism and charitable activities. Virtual and in-person grief support groups allow people experiencing grief to come together and share their stories in a safe space. If grief becomes just too much to bear, it may be time to find a Grief Counselor in your area.
Grief crisis intervention is an essential part of coping with grief for some individuals struggling with profound sadness after suffering through loss. If you or someone you know is in an emotional or psychological crisis, don’t hesitate to call the National Crisis Hotline (800) 273-8255. They operate their phones 24/7, and they can connect you to a trained volunteer almost immediately to help you out of a crisis.
Sources:
The Beachwood Society
Cake.com
American Academy of Grief Counseling